


A Giant Purple NIMBY

by Rjslpets



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Crack, Drabble, Gen, The crackiest crack!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 06:46:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14688681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rjslpets/pseuds/Rjslpets
Summary: This is all Kizmet's fault!Another working out of what happened on Titan





	1. A Giant Purple Thumb of a NIMBY

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kizmet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kizmet/gifts).



There was silence for a minute after Thanos’ speech and then Peter Parker exploded, “You’re a NIMBY! All of this because you want the kids off your lawn?” His tone was a mixture of outrage and incredulity.

“I am a benefactor of…” began Thanos.

“Oh, cut the crap! You’re just a giant purple thumb of a NIMBY! IF you were honestly concerned with overcrowding and wanted to create a durable solution AND wanted to be hailed as a savior, you would just increase the number of inhabitable planets for each race in the galaxy by a factor of ten.”

There was a moment of confused silence and then Tony Stark picked up the argument. “Kid has a good point. Halving the number of humans would buy you maybe 30-50 years before we got our numbers up. And I have to assume that the birthrate in most places would soar if you knocked out half the population. But increasing the number of habitable planets – that would take centuries, if not millennia, for most races to overpopulate. And it would increase the mass of the universe by maybe .0000000001%?”

“And of course anyone who created so many new planets would be hailed as a savior.” Put in Quill thoughtfully.

“Or, if you really are a NIMBY,” add Dr. Strange with condescension dripping from his voice, “you could just create a solar system for yourself and forbid anyone to go there. You could create an entire galaxy just for you in fact.”

“So, the bottom line is…if you just want to screw everyone in the universe because…I don’t know, you have daddy issues or something, you go ahead and snap your fingers. Cause if you wanted to be a savior, you would, you know, actually save people.” Peter picked up the argument again.

“So basically, you can become the savior of every race out there, or the worst person in the universe. Maybe in the history of every universe. Wow, tough choice.” Quill finished thoughtfully.

“Yeah, we’ve removed your dick-covering bullshit. So what’s it gonna be?” Tony sang out.

And Thanos snapped his fingers…


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime after the snap

_500 Earth years or so_ _later_

Thanos leaned back in his chair and watched the festivities on the planet of Lyris. It wasn’t a particularly important planet or notable for anything. But he tried to pick as diverse a group of planets for these things as possible. He was in such demand that some kind of system had to be thought up. Everyone wanted the World Maker at their celebration of the new worlds.

Not that he would ever admit it to a living soul, but he had made an excellent choice that day. He had been the object of worship by an insane cult and the ruler of an enormous empire and both those roles had their advantages. But being the World Maker beat them all hollow. He didn’t have to do anything; no paperwork or sorting out boring squabbles; no one trying to kill him. Everywhere he went, people were eager to have him and if he wanted to be alone, they told each other not to bother him. Being king _was_ good, but being a savior with no responsibilities was the best!

**Author's Note:**

> If I was going to go serious on this, I would have had Squirrel Girl use her power of emotional intelligence to talk to Thanos. Because his reasoning is totally bizarre. The world reached a population of 3 billion in 1960 and then population growth took off. Assuming that most races that get to over population have solved the major factors that contribute to infant mortality, Thanos has maybe gained himself about 50 years before we are all back right where we were. The logical response to over population is to create more planets since that will significantly reduce overcrowding and, as populations spread out, the rate of growth on any one planet is much lower.
> 
> NIMBY refers to Not In My Backyard and is generally used for people who want the benefits of something but not the negative consequences. For example, they want access to cheap energy but fight against the building of powerplants in their neighborhoods. The type also crosses over into the "get off my lawn" types which is really a defining characteristic of Thanos.


End file.
